Hostage negotiations

I recently started paying more attention to hostage negotiation after watching the new TV show Flashpoint.

Hostage negotiation is a difficult and complex task, and systems exist to aide the negotiator in everything from preventing escalation of the situation to creating rapport, all in the goal of closing, bringing the incident to a peaceful ending.

Reading about the subject, I found these articles most interesting, and more importantly, concise:

1. HowStuffWork entry on hostage negotiation
A good introduction to the subject and the system, with historical background and a bit on the Stockholm syndrome.

From the article above:

Stockholm Syndrome
Spending hours, days and months together doesn't only foster feelings on the part of the hostage-taker toward the hostages. The hostages often develop sympathy for their captors, as well. This is known as Stockholm Syndrome, named after a Swedish bank heist gone wrong that resulted in a six-day stand-off. The hostages ended up assisting the robber, acting as lookouts and giving him advice, while gradually coming to view the police outside as their common enemy. One of the female hostages even married him while he was still in prison.

There are complicated psychological reasons for Stockholm Syndrome. It is in part a defense mechanism that allows people to cope with an otherwise unbearable situation. It also has something to do with power -- the hostage-taker has the power to kill the hostages, and when he doesn't, the hostages' relief can turn into gratitude, which eventually develops into sympathy. Also, fear of the police rushing into the situation and killing the hostages accidentally in a shootout is very powerful and helps turn the hostages against the authorities.

2. From The Negotiator Magazine: Negotiation Lessons Learned by an FBI Hostage Negotiator
On hostage negotiations from the perspective of an FBI expert, comparing the task to his previous occupation, sales.

Some key quotes:

We, negotiators and sales people, know that our subjects and clients sometimes behave in seemingly irrational ways. We know how difficult it is to be truly heard or understood. Not matter how difficult the client or subject, we must remember that this negotiation is not about you, the negotiator or salesperson. It is about the subject or client and his or her needs. This point is may be hard to keep in mind especially when the client is nasty, insulting or worse.

Likewise, there is more to sales than just the marketing department and sales personnel. Everyone in the organization must be saying the same thing; from the CEO to even cleaning personnel. Cleaning personnel talking between themselves on an elevator in the presence of a potential client can derail a deal as quickly as a poor salesperson. A failure to recognize this point can be and has been costly in terms of lives and money.

Albert Einstein once said, “Make everything as simple as possible but not simpler.” There are many smart people in the FBI and in your corporation who will come up with complex answers to problems. The secret is in looking for simple answers from smart people! Those are the answers in which I have the most confidence. During an aircraft hijacking, FBI agents at the scene were concerned about a long coat the hijacker was wearing. It was speculated that the hijacker might have a bomb under the coat. Later, when asked why that particular coat was worn to the airport she said, “It was cold and it is the only coat I own.”

“Pushing the deal” for law enforcement negotiators is analogous to pushing for a close on a sale before the client is ready to close. Negotiators offer the “deal” at the outset but if the deal is declined, negotiators back off and begin the negotiation process. “Pushing the deal” too hard early-on builds distrust and people “dig in” against you.

Negotiators in the United States are taught that early on and, if appropriate, not to forget to ask the subject to come out. There have been instances in the United States when after negotiating for ten hours the subject finally surrendered. When asked why he did not come out sooner, the subject replied, “Nobody asked.”

Negotiators should listen for unspoken needs. One indicator that there are expressive needs not being met is when all of the instrumental needs have been met and a client still will not close a deal.

Expressive needs can be very personal. The subject's shift from instrumental needs to expressive needs may indicate the development of trust and rapport and, therefore, progress in the negotiation.

In conclusion, I believe that there are many more parallels between what law enforcement negotiators and business people do; far more than can be covered in a short article. The most significant parallel is that law enforcement negotiators and salespeople are both selling hope. The negotiator and salesperson are both selling the hope that the subject's or client's future will be better. In this writer's view, there is no more worthwhile product.

Pinky.

I'm interested, but in you

Walking happily in the mall carrying my brand new Mac, a salesgirl caught my eyes and asked me to come over.

I walked closer stating clearly "I will come over, but I don't want to waste your time. I'm not buying anything." She was happy for me to approach regardless, smiling. I think I smiled back.

As soon as I got near the stand, she took my hand, kindly (felt nice) but firmly, and led me closer, turning me toward the stand and her. I was keenly aware of how this hand-hold made my body automagically follow her and of how breaking physical contact is difficult.

The salesgirl began to slowly fold the sleeve on the hand she held, probably preparing me to smell something, still touching my hand as she chatted me up. "Why do you have a Black Hat shirt but no black hat?"

I decided being nice and letting her flow with our chemistry, manufactured or not, is more than okay. How to simplify the answer though?

"I'm a hacker" *smile*

At this point, sleeve pulled back and hands removed she tried to convince me to try something on, I considered the "I'm allergic" excuse, but saw no reason to lie "Thank you, but I am not interested." I said with a finality.

"You bought a laptop?"
"Yes, just got out of the Apple store." Which incidentally, is right in front of the stand, and I was carrying the laptop case.
"Have you ever been stuck at an airport for like eight hours? What do you do for so long? Me it just drives nuts."
Raising my eye-brow but not missing a beat, showing real interest, I replied "I was once in London for six hours, I went to the center, ate lunch, and got back just in time for my flight."
"Yes," she said, slightly pouting "but what if you are stuck there for eight hours with nothing to do, what do you do then?"

When she left my hand alone. I waited a bit, and slowly started pulling my sleeve down while talking.

"It is always fun to get out of the airport and explore."
"Always?" she insisted.
"Sleep works. I really hate the Frankfurt airport, and there is nothing to do in Frankfurt." I rolled up my eyes "I was once stuck there for ten hours and just went to sleep."
"The laptop must help" she offered.
"Why, of course! The first thing I do when I get to the airport is look for food," *pause* "Obviously" *smile* "Then I start looking for a power socket for my laptop".

She tried again.
"How about this here..."
"I am not interested in creams."
"Ah, this is for your nails." *smile*
"Thanks, no." *smile*

Maybe my smile was an invitation incongruent to my verbal negation, but she kept going. When someone smiles at you--you often smile back whether you know it or not.

"Are you interested in me," *very slight pause* "showing you this here?" *smile*
I considered saying yes again and the allergic excuse tried to pop up, then with a large smile filling me and my face I heartily responded "I am interested in you, *slight pause* "not what you offer." *big smile* "But thank you so much."

Usually I'd not refuse, but I am not going to buy anything so why waste her sales time?

*Almost awkward pause* I followed up.

"You are good. If I was not aware of what you are doing, building rapport, you'd have me wrapped around your finger by now."
"Thanks, tell that to my boss." Who she pointed to. He was very interested in our conversation through-out, although he maintained his distance.

I half turned to go, and looking back from my shoulder "Can I ask you guys a quick question?"
"Sure" she said. She was still looking at me and nice, but not as excited and slightly pouting.

"Well," I began "again, you are very good, but did anyone teach you..."
She softly cut in "The story was true."
"I am sure it was," *smile* "but before you had your own story, did anyone teach you an example story to use?"
"No," she said "it's all mine." at this point the boss was also in the conversation, although he never really spoke. He leaned in and had his half smile of amusement and interest changed to one of interest and sarcasm.

I took my cue, thanked them both, and left.

Four points:
1. Holding my hand (shaking it then not leaving?) gave her control over me to make sure I stayed and move me around. It made us closer instantly. Maintaining touch opened me to her approach and made sure I listened. Even with the real-time analysis of what she was doing, it was slightly difficult for me to not do whatever she asks.

Powerless to stop it or not, me "letting" her fold my sleeve, although done slowly while keeping eye contact with me (so that I barely notice), implies that I already showed interest in what she offers. Regardless of me clearly stating otherwise. Having done that, why not try some perfume? It would be silly to roll the sleeve back down without trying, right?

2. She attempted to create rapport with me by speaking about my Black Hat shirt. I let her, but did not agree to buy. She may not have known much about hacking, decided I required a more intelligent approach or chose to use a different story to create more rapport.

Picking on another environmental cue, she spoke of my new laptop with the airport story. Perhaps my accent helped her spot me as a foreigner, but a separate story helped us feel more familiar with each other and took longer to explore.

3. When I said I am not interested in creams, she immediately disarmed me with "nails". This took me back a moment as I am a guy, and not a very beauty-aware one.

It was a nice and natural way to change the subject and kill my objection--what she said (nails) wasn't as important as this negation (don't worry). In my case though it wasn't the best approach--Especially as I didn't shave in two weeks. It should have screamed at her.

4. Although said in a flirtatious manner and not offensive, my "I'm interested in you, not what you sell" was a carbon copy of her disarming techniques. She couldn't break rapport, especially since I kept the chat with a smile after that.

Turning to leave then staying, but talking almost as in an after-thought without facing her, made her feel she isn't stuck with me and allowed me to explore her sales techniques without being too threatening, especially as I am four times her size. She probably lied, though.

All-in-all, it was a fun conversation and I didn't waste more than two or three minutes of her time. I didn't realize I could analyze her sale so easily. I can't wait to try this again in a year when I know more and see what I spot then.

Perhaps with a more advanced sales person such as an insurance agent, who will be more sophisticated. Seeing my progress is a big boost to my enthusiasm.

Pinky.