Watching the UEFA Champions League Final -Manchester vs Chelsea, I noticed something interesting.
(a proper disclosure - I rarely watch sport matches, probably not more then 2-3 times a year :) )
A short brief, for those who didn't watch the game:
The match was to be decided with a penalties shoot-out after 120 minutes of playing and a score of 1:1 on the board. There is a draw in the first 10 kicks (5 for each team), We are at the stage when every kick means winning or loosing...
The kicker is Anelka from Chelsea and the goalkeeper - Van Der Sar from Manchester, the tense is at peak, and just when Anelka is about to kick, Van Der Sar does something that alerted my senses: momentarily, he points his hand to the right , as if he signals Anelka, "I know you are going to kick that way".
Anelka kicks to the left side and Van Der Sar "surprisingly" bets and jumps to this side, pushing the ball away.. the match is over, Manchester United wins.
Many would say it's just a coincidence, I rather believe it's not.
It is well known that just before penalty kick, goalkeepers jumps several times in order to destruct the kicker's attention. I think that Van Der Sar just upgraded the system - pointing one way, thus leading the player's subconscious to kick the other direction.
And a small anecdote for closure : I was "youtubing" for about an hour to find a video of the penalties with decent resolution, with no luck. Only after googeling it a bit more ,I managed to find one, interestingly, having this title: "Van Der Sar pointing".
Yeahhh! I am not alone! :)
Sir Lancelot
Saturday, May 24, 2008
Sunday, May 18, 2008
When first becoming aware of body language
Reading body language is natural, "we all do it". As babies we liked smiling faces better and as adults we read an "aura" or "state of mind" from people we interact with. We are good at it.
In extreme opposite is interpreting body language and being aware of doing so. Most people are not good at it, in fact, they are very poor in this regard.
I used to be of the second type. Over time I collected references to body language, from "the smile didn't reach his eyes" in books I read, wondering what it meant, to hearing about "crossed arms means the person is closed to you". These references didn't mean much until at some point I accumulated so many it reached critical mass.
Suddenly I was aware of body language, and boy was I confused. I kept being self-conscious, as I didn't know what was right. Up to that point some invisible layer worked its black box magic in front of my cognitive system. I reacted to people and what I felt from them, but I didn't know much more.
This previous behaviour caused me to be polarizing. I would notice a person being cold or impatient and would read it as they not liking me or being snobs. I'd return the favour even if they were just busy or tired at the time. On the other extreme end I'd not be able to understand a certain someone doesn't like me if I was previously convinced they are my friends. People who were cool to me, I was cool to. As a personal disclaimer, this statement is over-simplifying and explained in extremes. I may be an extreme person, but I am a person.
Suddenly my "system", not polarizing for several years now, was gone. Becoming aware of body language made me continually self-conscious. Here is an example story.
I was in an informal meeting with a high level non-politician foreign government official when I caught myself leg over leg (in the so called "number 4" position), hands interlaced behind my head. I stopped dead--is this what I am supposed to project? What am I projecting anyway?
I immediately dropped to a reset position. Legs on the floor, hands on legs. But wait.... how am I supposed to sit down? Non of it made sense, I had zero knowledge to back my new-found awareness.
Then, of course... what of the person opposite me? I didn't even consider his body language.
I landed in the States and went to a Barnes & Noble to look for a body language book. I got to the self-help section and tried to find any book not promising endless sex or immediate success in business. Eventually I came across my first body language book, The Definitive Book of Body Language by Barbara and Allan Pease.
The book helped me in three significant fashions.
In its view, body language is indeed a language and requires content as well as context. For a sentence to make sense, one word such as "sofa" wouldn't help. "Sofa" and "living room", would help. Adding the word "new" would add context for us to make sense of the sentence. Like they teach in math lessons in school, two to three points for drawing a line.
In "professional" language these combinations of body language signals are called "clusters". A person just crossing their hands may mean nothing, or everything. Clusters of signals tell us what it is all about. Another consideration is watching for such signals and clusters chronologically, over time.
One signal or gesture could mean a person is cold or any other mundane reason. Freud was notorious for smoking Cigars. Cigars being clear Phallic (or sexual) symbols, his students mentioned it to him. His reply was "sometimes a Cigar is just a Cigar," hence the known quotation.
The second significant point that I learned from the book was how body language is a closed feedback loop of emotions. This is best demonstrated with smiles. If you feel good you often smile. When you smile you will feel good.
In this fashion I was able to literally catch myself with, say, crossed hands. Then ask: Am I somehow defensive or uncomfortable? The growth in personal awareness and being in touch with one's feelings is impressive.
The third point of significance hit me when I travelled. I hit up a conversation with an older business man in the airport lounge. He told me how he is not very aware of the body language issue, but he did notice how body language can be useful in negotiations.
If he wants to convey dismay, instead of verbalizing it and moving the negotiation to it, he simply crosses his hands, maybe leans back. The other side gets the idea.
An unrelated point I learned from the book changed my life, it taught me how to identify fake smiles. While I am not yet very good at it, it means I no longer just fall stupidly for any girl who smiles my way.
The book itself was easily readable, and interesting. It was disturbing how the authors just name-dropped researchers with no standard of academic quotation, continually. The contribution the book gave me was not in being able to read body language, as I wasn't.
The contribution was that while reading about it, I thought about it in a framed fashion and the automagical awareness module to read and respond to body language unconsciously, came back. I then started the long journey to learn and understand my surrounding and non-verbal communication, on which I will write another time.
Two weeks ago I spoke with an old friend and he disagreed with my being the second type of person, the unaware one. He reminded me of how in our phone conversations I cued on every pause and asked him about it. A girlfriend of mine also didn't agree. She suggested I was always aware, just didn't realize what it means.
Awareness followed by unsettled disquiet followed by understanding.
Pinky.
In extreme opposite is interpreting body language and being aware of doing so. Most people are not good at it, in fact, they are very poor in this regard.
I used to be of the second type. Over time I collected references to body language, from "the smile didn't reach his eyes" in books I read, wondering what it meant, to hearing about "crossed arms means the person is closed to you". These references didn't mean much until at some point I accumulated so many it reached critical mass.
Suddenly I was aware of body language, and boy was I confused. I kept being self-conscious, as I didn't know what was right. Up to that point some invisible layer worked its black box magic in front of my cognitive system. I reacted to people and what I felt from them, but I didn't know much more.
This previous behaviour caused me to be polarizing. I would notice a person being cold or impatient and would read it as they not liking me or being snobs. I'd return the favour even if they were just busy or tired at the time. On the other extreme end I'd not be able to understand a certain someone doesn't like me if I was previously convinced they are my friends. People who were cool to me, I was cool to. As a personal disclaimer, this statement is over-simplifying and explained in extremes. I may be an extreme person, but I am a person.
Suddenly my "system", not polarizing for several years now, was gone. Becoming aware of body language made me continually self-conscious. Here is an example story.
I was in an informal meeting with a high level non-politician foreign government official when I caught myself leg over leg (in the so called "number 4" position), hands interlaced behind my head. I stopped dead--is this what I am supposed to project? What am I projecting anyway?
I immediately dropped to a reset position. Legs on the floor, hands on legs. But wait.... how am I supposed to sit down? Non of it made sense, I had zero knowledge to back my new-found awareness.
Then, of course... what of the person opposite me? I didn't even consider his body language.
I landed in the States and went to a Barnes & Noble to look for a body language book. I got to the self-help section and tried to find any book not promising endless sex or immediate success in business. Eventually I came across my first body language book, The Definitive Book of Body Language by Barbara and Allan Pease.
The book helped me in three significant fashions.
In its view, body language is indeed a language and requires content as well as context. For a sentence to make sense, one word such as "sofa" wouldn't help. "Sofa" and "living room", would help. Adding the word "new" would add context for us to make sense of the sentence. Like they teach in math lessons in school, two to three points for drawing a line.
In "professional" language these combinations of body language signals are called "clusters". A person just crossing their hands may mean nothing, or everything. Clusters of signals tell us what it is all about. Another consideration is watching for such signals and clusters chronologically, over time.
One signal or gesture could mean a person is cold or any other mundane reason. Freud was notorious for smoking Cigars. Cigars being clear Phallic (or sexual) symbols, his students mentioned it to him. His reply was "sometimes a Cigar is just a Cigar," hence the known quotation.
The second significant point that I learned from the book was how body language is a closed feedback loop of emotions. This is best demonstrated with smiles. If you feel good you often smile. When you smile you will feel good.
In this fashion I was able to literally catch myself with, say, crossed hands. Then ask: Am I somehow defensive or uncomfortable? The growth in personal awareness and being in touch with one's feelings is impressive.
The third point of significance hit me when I travelled. I hit up a conversation with an older business man in the airport lounge. He told me how he is not very aware of the body language issue, but he did notice how body language can be useful in negotiations.
If he wants to convey dismay, instead of verbalizing it and moving the negotiation to it, he simply crosses his hands, maybe leans back. The other side gets the idea.
An unrelated point I learned from the book changed my life, it taught me how to identify fake smiles. While I am not yet very good at it, it means I no longer just fall stupidly for any girl who smiles my way.
The book itself was easily readable, and interesting. It was disturbing how the authors just name-dropped researchers with no standard of academic quotation, continually. The contribution the book gave me was not in being able to read body language, as I wasn't.
The contribution was that while reading about it, I thought about it in a framed fashion and the automagical awareness module to read and respond to body language unconsciously, came back. I then started the long journey to learn and understand my surrounding and non-verbal communication, on which I will write another time.
Two weeks ago I spoke with an old friend and he disagreed with my being the second type of person, the unaware one. He reminded me of how in our phone conversations I cued on every pause and asked him about it. A girlfriend of mine also didn't agree. She suggested I was always aware, just didn't realize what it means.
Awareness followed by unsettled disquiet followed by understanding.
Pinky.
Hand pointing
Trying to keep a person's interest we sometimes momentarily move or point our hands in their general direction, grabbing their eyes and attention. At times, we will even very briefly touch them as a part of that movement for the same purpose, probably on their arms.
Yesterday I was in a more... contemplating mood. I let others speak more, and kept my peace. I let myself listen and my eyes wondered away. As a result, I was touched in that manner by two different people, several times.
As a result I gave them more attention, and knew they are interested in the conversation with me.
Pinky.
Yesterday I was in a more... contemplating mood. I let others speak more, and kept my peace. I let myself listen and my eyes wondered away. As a result, I was touched in that manner by two different people, several times.
As a result I gave them more attention, and knew they are interested in the conversation with me.
Pinky.
Monday, May 12, 2008
Hobgoblins of the mind: Social proof and commitments in email
Yesterday I recieved a request by some whats-their-name publication to write a 700 words column for them. They introduced a time constraint to make the request seem more important (but not too urgent, to avoid seeming desperate).
Being with a full schedule, I cordially responded and asked for a time-frame, as I don't necessarily have the time to commit. They responded with two weeks, a good time frame although from past experience two weeks usually means six to eight available (time) for the editors.
Payment was not mentioned, so this is a pro-bono thang. I never heard of them before so wasn't in much of a hurry to commit time I don't have out of my "lazy time" allocation.
They mentioned others who write for them on the subject, and that they want to publish these, now blogs, together. I looked at the names and recognized a couple. One worked for the Whitehouse and the other for a known entity.
I wasn't too impressed, but that bit is what tipped the scale and caused me to say yes. Once I said yes I am committed.. You know how silly humans are about holding up to their commitments and staying consistent? I am worse. Usually that is a good thing, but it is also a compliance tool to get a yes out of people.
The names at the footer of the email message made me accept the publication as worthy, social proof 101.
I am committed. Or am I?
Emailing the guy back I luckily asked for the subjects on which these others are writing on, so we can avoid over-lap and "get some ideas". I haven't heard back yet.
I may have been had, but at least I wasn't automatic in my response. These names writing there means little to me. I have something I am unsure on where to publish and like to help smaller publications, so their what's their name publication is as good as any--if they show me they are serious rather than avoid the subject of subjects.
"A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds." -- Ralph Waldo Emerson.
Suggested reading is once again Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion.
Pinky.
Update:
They got back to me, two weeks later. They asked for when I will be able to submit my text.
I asked them about my question.. what these other authors are writing about, so I can avoid duplication and get ideas.
Their reply was that it was confidential, and that it is their job as editors to avoid such problems.
Logical flaws aside, and my willingness to write for a small publication ignored... If I write for these people they will just use my name when talking to others, to get them to write for them. Heck, they probably did already.
Being with a full schedule, I cordially responded and asked for a time-frame, as I don't necessarily have the time to commit. They responded with two weeks, a good time frame although from past experience two weeks usually means six to eight available (time) for the editors.
Payment was not mentioned, so this is a pro-bono thang. I never heard of them before so wasn't in much of a hurry to commit time I don't have out of my "lazy time" allocation.
They mentioned others who write for them on the subject, and that they want to publish these, now blogs, together. I looked at the names and recognized a couple. One worked for the Whitehouse and the other for a known entity.
I wasn't too impressed, but that bit is what tipped the scale and caused me to say yes. Once I said yes I am committed.. You know how silly humans are about holding up to their commitments and staying consistent? I am worse. Usually that is a good thing, but it is also a compliance tool to get a yes out of people.
The names at the footer of the email message made me accept the publication as worthy, social proof 101.
I am committed. Or am I?
Emailing the guy back I luckily asked for the subjects on which these others are writing on, so we can avoid over-lap and "get some ideas". I haven't heard back yet.
I may have been had, but at least I wasn't automatic in my response. These names writing there means little to me. I have something I am unsure on where to publish and like to help smaller publications, so their what's their name publication is as good as any--if they show me they are serious rather than avoid the subject of subjects.
"A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds." -- Ralph Waldo Emerson.
Suggested reading is once again Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion.
Pinky.
Update:
They got back to me, two weeks later. They asked for when I will be able to submit my text.
I asked them about my question.. what these other authors are writing about, so I can avoid duplication and get ideas.
Their reply was that it was confidential, and that it is their job as editors to avoid such problems.
Logical flaws aside, and my willingness to write for a small publication ignored... If I write for these people they will just use my name when talking to others, to get them to write for them. Heck, they probably did already.
Sunday, May 4, 2008
Ini mini miny moe
Eating pizza and waiting for my flight to Europe, I observed a European family at a nearby table. The mother, grandmother and three small children were playing a repetitive “word and clap” game which triggered a childhood memory of a similar game, although in a different language.
From Yahoo! answers:
“Eeny, meeny, miny, moe, which can be spelled a number of ways, is a children's counting rhyme, used to select "it" for games and similar purposes. The rhyme has been around in various forms since the 1850s or earlier, and is common today in many countries. Since many similar counting rhymes existed earlier, it is difficult to ascertain its exact origin.”
Sitting in a circle, they each put their hands on top of the hands of the people to their right and left, palm up.
The song was simplistic, and with every word or syllable they rhymed one would “tag” the next person in line by clapping their own left hand with their left (momentarily removed from on top of the hand of the person to their right).
Whoever started the tagging was also the last to be tagged. The rhyme is known by heart by everyone at the circle, and yet, the kids were occasionally caught off-guard.
The song being very rhythmical and in sync with the clapping creates a pattern which is hard to break, programming the players to keep clapping and singing rather than escape the final “winning” tag.
Watching the children fall for this immediately after reading Robert Cialdini's book Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion made me realize just how much humans are creatures of habit, and of how the same type of behaviour can be observed with adults playing the game of life.
Pinky.
From Yahoo! answers:
“Eeny, meeny, miny, moe, which can be spelled a number of ways, is a children's counting rhyme, used to select "it" for games and similar purposes. The rhyme has been around in various forms since the 1850s or earlier, and is common today in many countries. Since many similar counting rhymes existed earlier, it is difficult to ascertain its exact origin.”
Sitting in a circle, they each put their hands on top of the hands of the people to their right and left, palm up.
The song was simplistic, and with every word or syllable they rhymed one would “tag” the next person in line by clapping their own left hand with their left (momentarily removed from on top of the hand of the person to their right).
Whoever started the tagging was also the last to be tagged. The rhyme is known by heart by everyone at the circle, and yet, the kids were occasionally caught off-guard.
The song being very rhythmical and in sync with the clapping creates a pattern which is hard to break, programming the players to keep clapping and singing rather than escape the final “winning” tag.
Watching the children fall for this immediately after reading Robert Cialdini's book Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion made me realize just how much humans are creatures of habit, and of how the same type of behaviour can be observed with adults playing the game of life.
Pinky.
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